<p>So now that it is established why these
arguments take place, how men and women play a role in these conflicts must be
understood. In general, men and women don’t strive to harm one another, they
are often ignorant and don’t realize that what would work to say to a women or
man, might not always work vice versa (Gray, 143). For instance, a common
scenario would be a women blaming a man for ignoring her, after she rolled her
eyes at him, when really he simply just didn’t understand her non-verbal cues
(Legato, 67). This is not the man’s fault, since this is how his brain is
wired, however, a woman who usse verbal cues or gestures often when conversing,
will often not realize this and blame the man himself. Another example would be
a woman offering help to a man, women often don’t realize, is that men value
power and success and when women try to be helpful and offer advice, a man will
often get the impression that he is no good, and will become humiliated (Gray,
14). This will often lead to anger, which will lead to fights. Back to the idea
of men needing help, when men do need help, and ask for it, rather then help
find a solution to the problem women will often sympathize with the man as she
would with her girlfriends (Tannen, 51). Men find this degrading, as if the
women is putting down their problems as no big deal. Women often don’t understand
this concept, that while they like giving and receiving advice, men feel as if
they aren’t good enough, and need to be changed (Tannen, 51). Not only does
what women speak about cause arguments, but how they speak as well. Women will
often speak indirectly, not saying their feelings straight out, and will often
use rhetorical questions (Gray, 183). For instance, if a man were to ask his
wife “are you okay?” and she were to answer “do you think I am okay?” Which
might leave left unsure as to if she is okay or not. Additionally, women tend
to use language that is misunderstood by men, by using metaphorical,
superlative and generalized language, and men tend to take all that is said, as
literal. (Bernstien, 61.)<br></p>