So now that it is established why these  arguments take place, how men and women play a role in these conflicts must be  understood. In general, men and women don’t strive to harm one another, they  are often ignorant and don’t realize that what would work to say to a women or  man, might not always work vice versa (Gray, 143). For instance, a common  scenario would be a women blaming a man for ignoring her, after she rolled her  eyes at him, when really he simply just didn’t understand her non-verbal cues  (Legato, 67). This is not the man’s fault, since this is how his brain is  wired, however, a woman who usse verbal cues or gestures often when conversing,  will often not realize this and blame the man himself. Another example would be  a woman offering help to a man, women often don’t realize, is that men value  power and success and when women try to be helpful and offer advice, a man will  often get the impression that he is no good, and will become humiliated (Gray,  14). This will often lead to anger, which will lead to fights. Back to the idea  of men needing help, when men do need help, and ask for it, rather then help  find a solution to the problem women will often sympathize with the man as she  would with her girlfriends (Tannen, 51). Men find this degrading, as if the  women is putting down their problems as no big deal. Women often don’t understand  this concept, that while they like giving and receiving advice, men feel as if  they aren’t good enough, and need to be changed (Tannen, 51). Not only does  what women speak about cause arguments, but how they speak as well. Women will  often speak indirectly, not saying their feelings straight out, and will often  use rhetorical questions (Gray, 183). For instance, if a man were to ask his  wife “are you okay?” and she were to answer “do you think I am okay?” Which  might leave left unsure as to if she is okay or not. Additionally, women tend  to use language that is misunderstood by men, by using metaphorical,  superlative and generalized language, and men tend to take all that is said, as  literal. (Bernstien, 61.)