3 Essentials for Long-Term Romance - The Science of Sex and Desire

It's no secret that relationships require a concoction of elements to thrive. A happy long-term partnership is one that has many different scientific explanations. 

Many believe the basis of a healthy romance lies in the development of security, reliability, and dependability. You stay with your partner not only because you love them, but because they're your constant in the face of variability. However, author and relationship scientist Esther Perel says that anchors of a relationship --mutuality, reciprocity, protection-- are often the things that in turn stifle desire.

According to Perel, here are the 3 steps to combating this challenge.
1. Utilize Space
This may seem counter intuitive --why would you distance yourself from what you want to grow close to?-- but desire in a relationship stems from wanting to be with another person. This often manifests itself as closeness, minimizing distance between you and your partner. However, as Perel says, "fire needs air". Desire peaks before you get what you want, not after. By giving and getting space in a relationship, you create passionate desire.

2. Recreate Novelty
By surveying a group of people, Perel found the circumstances in which people were most attracted to their partners. One distinct case was when distance created longing, a major component in desire. Another arose when people were observing their partners from a comfortable distance, witnessing them in their elements. Watching a partner interact with other people or doing something that interests them creates an air of mystery, allows for a shift in perception, and recreates the novelty, bringing observers back to the beginning of the relationship.