There is a common misconception about
marriage and relationships believed by not only children, but many adults as
well. This misconception, started by the utterance of three words; three words
that can single handily wreck a marriage. Those words being, “happily ever after.” Why are these words
so detrimental? Why do men and women fight? These queries are all resolved by
explaining the differences in brain wiring, interests, and communication styles,
all lead to the wrecker of marriages; gender conflicts.
In order to comprehend why men and women
fight, how men and women operate must first be apprehended, starting with one
of the most vital organs in the body; the brain. According to a study of brain
scans done by The University of Pennsylvania, during adolescence the brain
wiring between the male and female brains begins to differ from one another. (Berenstien).
For instance, women have a greater amount of nerve cells on the left side of
the brain where language is processed, and have a stronger connection between
the two parts of the brain (Legato, 62). In another study done in 2011 by Dr.
Ned Jahandshad, a neurologist at The University of South Carolina, 147 females
and 87 males brains were studied, and there were found to be differences in the
frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for speech, self control, and
making decisions (Holtz). To illustrate this point, the male and female must be
There are many diversities between men
and women. For one, females are born with slightly different hearing
capabilities than men, a newborn female can process sounds better than her male
counterpart (Legato, 60-61). Because of this, listening and understanding dialect
is easier for women than for men (Legato, 63). Not only do women have different
assets than men, but have different values and interests as well. Of course,
this is a general statement, as every person varies from the next, but is true
for the overwhelming majority of women. Women value feelings, relationships,
talking, and beauty (Gray,11) and seek care, understanding, respect, and
validation, (Gray, 145) and are generally more emotional than men (Tingley, 116).
On the flip side, men, value trust,
acceptance and approval (Gray, 145). And while women are more emotional, men
are more rational (Tingley, 116). Mens interests range from sports to the news,
as these value strength and achievement, which men value as well (Gray, 9). This
would make sense as to why there are more businessmen than women, as men aim
for success, strength, and power.
The ability to converse is a gift granted
exclusively to mankind. However, men and women often have different agendas for
their conversations. While women converse to foster a connection and identify
with others, men converse to resolve a problem, or compete with others. Since
men and women have different agendas for conversing, their communication styles
differ as well, sometimes causing a lack of clarity or misunderstandings. As
Joe Tannenbaum writes in his book, Male and Female realities women are
“expressers” and men are “resolvers” (Tingley, 27).
Since women converse to kindle a
relationship or connection, women will often re-count tales or anecdotes,
either to connect to others, or to initiate a conversation (Legato, 81). Women will
often use various hand gestures, and facial expressions in order to express
their point (Legato, 75). Since females are also more emotional, women are more
emotionally attached to others faster, and therefore are more likely to reveal
personal information (Eimler, Herkamph, Kruck, and, Papadiks 92).